Being a mom is by far the hardest job in the entire world and, while that is not a secret, it is not openly discussed nor is it accurately portrayed via the most important means of socialization and communication (Facebook, Instagram and Twitter of course).
My friends and family know (and are probably tired of hearing about) how shocked I was at the level of difficulty this gig turned out to be. I felt disillusioned and lied to as I experienced complete loss of control, exhaustion, confusion and HORMONES - all before even being discharged from the hospital. Then I was expected to take this little being home with me and just (no big deal) keep her alive.
For the first month and a half I cried, uncontrollably at times, for no particular reason. I looked at this sweet baby and sobbed because she wasn't going anywhere and I felt completely unprepared to care for her. I felt isolated and alone on a good day and completely shocked at the emotions I was not prepared to deal with...my poor husband had no idea he signed up for crazy when he wanted to start a family.
Then I talked to some other moms and read this blog post and my life suddenly made sense. No one was shocked at my despair and I found comfort in shared experiences. Being a mom isn't easy and it doesn't get easier, but it does (I'm told) become more manageable. I now celebrate moments like understanding a cry, being able to rock her to sleep and seeing a smile when she recognizes my voice because we are figuring it out and that feels really good!
I'm not an expert, I don't really know how to be a mom and I will not pretend that this has been a good experience thus far, but I do have some good days and I get excited when something (by the grace of God) works out the way I want it to. So thank you to all my friends who have been honest with me and showed me love when my crazy was at it's worst. Your horror stories have brought me peace and helped me feel less alone in this scary new life I jumped into so carelessly 11 short months ago.